Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
