Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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