I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
