Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
