drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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