Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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