you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
