I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
