the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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