Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
