Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
