I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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