I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
