I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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