Already got asked if we're dating
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
I just threw up on my dentist
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?