my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.