i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.