Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I want to kish your cheek

  (248): View more from Michigan

  My cheeks are in Michigan

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Oh my lips are kind of stretchy

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  (301): I want to kish your cheek (248): My cheeks are in Michigan (301): Oh my lips are kind of stretchy http://tfl.nu/4fba
  Replies (4) Good night (1801) Bad night (574)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

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  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (35587) Bad night (976)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  bitch so ugly she owes me an erection

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  (919): bitch so ugly she owes me an erection http://tfl.nu/ldn1
  Replies (29) Good night (706) Bad night (4605) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...

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  (540): And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good... http://tfl.nu/zb2a
  Replies (44) Good night (1134) Bad night (9482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.

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  (304): Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record. http://tfl.nu/wo6o
  Replies (17) Good night (1087) Bad night (5606) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.

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  (419): All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex. http://tfl.nu/ooyw
  Replies (5) Good night (713) Bad night (4395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!

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  (719): Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?! http://tfl.nu/aect
  Replies (111) Good night (1701) Bad night (7822) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems

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  (202): just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems http://tfl.nu/fumh
  Replies (4) Good night (3138) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.

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  (406): Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care. http://tfl.nu/dahm
  Replies (8) Good night (775) Bad night (2882) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning

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  (843): i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning http://tfl.nu/dohz
  Replies (15) Good night (3750) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour

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  (859): will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour http://tfl.nu/165f
  Replies (4) Good night (1535) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Figured I'd get right to the point

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  (215): My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up." (1-215): Figured I'd get right to the point http://tfl.nu/wgkv
  Replies (8) Good night (736) Bad night (1426)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it

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  (508): Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it http://tfl.nu/qcg9
  Replies (3) Good night (331) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.

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  (216): Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know. (440): Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl. http://tfl.nu/hazv
  Replies (2) Good night (1883) Bad night (180)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.

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  (517): Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard. http://tfl.nu/ngp4
  Replies (2) Good night (612) Bad night (115) Order T-Shirt

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