I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship