I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.