He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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