i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
