so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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