I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Randomize