I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
