Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
