Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
