My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
