if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
