I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
