I wish my penis had an off switch
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
