dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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