I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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