So drunk, too bad you don't want this
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
