I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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