There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
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Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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