Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
