he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
