You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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