You're a womanizer and a bitch.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
