no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
dude. I can hear the air.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
