as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
