so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
