Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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