I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
