if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
