Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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