I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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