I can text with my tongue
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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