why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So squirting runs in the family.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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