Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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