I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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