I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
