Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
