My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
