is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
