I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize