I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
