But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
