im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
