I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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