HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
