Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
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hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
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He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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