bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
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I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
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Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup