Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...