my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.