Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.