forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie